As My 20th Year Approaches...

It is truly shameful that I haven't blogged in about 10 days. But I think I'd rather refrain than write something stupid... though another theory might say writing something stupid helps you get to the good stuff. But I digress: here I am again.

The day after tomorrow, I will be 19. And yes, it is my 20th year because your first year happens when you're zero. It doesn't feel like it's about to be my birthday. Maybe it's because 19 is a fairly boring year, especially when compared to 18. It is, however, my last year in the teenagedom. I just made that up. Whatever. A year from now, I will be exiting my teen years, and holy shit is that scary. I actually don't think I ever imagined that would happen. My sister told me earlier today that I had to do something 'cool' with this year.. uhh... I've got nothing. ha. Maybe I'll shoot for straight A's? One novel a week? Exercise 5 times a week? Hey, it would just be great to have all my shit together.

I kind of like to look at my birthday as another New Years: a chance to reflect and set goals... the BEST part of this? My birthday is pretty much exactly halfway through the year. So I've got that going. I'm still figuring out what I want to accomplish in this, my 20th year. But it does boil down to getting everything organized and together. To being on top of things and taking care of myself. To maturing, handling things better.

What have I done in this past year?
Well. I went to college. I got out of a couple emotional strongholds. I had a good streak of luck, aka positive energy. I got a bit closer to my dream. I got my first 2 college A's. I found a lovely, mature guy who makes me laugh and loves me a lot. I grew up a little. Learned a lot. Came out of my shell. I loved this year of my life. But I think the exciting part about 19, is that it will be even better than 18 was. I'm better. I am smarter. I make good decisions more often than I used to.

I'm really looking forward to this year.

Random Favorites

Right now, I am loving...

Adele. There is not a bad song on her 21 album. She evokes a multitude of emotions, and is simply fantastic to fall asleep to.

Shadow of the Wind. A book about books! So wonderful.

So You Think You Can Dance. For some reason this show didn't interest me for the past 7 seasons... that was stupid. It is the one reality show that is always impressive and usually inspiring. These people are SUCH talented dancers; I envy their precision and motivation. Plus, the music is great and there is the classic WTF judge (Mary Murphy, so many problems).

Work! I love having a job. It's so fun to just talk to people and feel like I'm doing something 'important.' Also, since I work with olive oils and vinegars, part of my job is to taste all of them and find new combinations. (Jalapeno white balsamic and garlic olive oil, anyone?) I got my first paycheck today, too, which just made me so excited! I can spend that money without feeling remotely guilty about taking it from my parents (but I think I'll be saving 30% of each paycheck to have money for school. Easy, right? ....)
Bonuses: I'm learning about cooking and perfecting my gift-wrapping skills. Both of which will be useful in the future. Also, having to communicate with strangers on a weekly basis will bode well for my tour guide job next year. Shedding the awkwardness, yay!

Chopping vegetables..... this one's weird, I know. But I did it a lot today for a party my mom was having and it was strangely therapeutic and fun. I just get bothered that I'm not always cutting them the right size. Ha.

and finally, my biggest obsession as of late:
Weddings.... Sarah needs to stay in the moment, but I love weddings and finding dresses and decorations and blogs.... and now I have a Wedding folder on my desktop. Oh lord, about 5 or 7 years too early.

Technical Difficulties

Sometimes, I hate the computer. And my phone. I've so loved discovering this blog world, reading and learning and sharing in the lives of others. And having a place to write myself! I love being able to have answers and songs and new ideas at my fingertips, just waiting for me to discover them. The internet can be enriching, yes. But it is SUCH the easy way out (of life!) and I find it getting in the way of the grand summer plans I had when school ended.

Things as simple as reading. I love reading. Always have. And I knew I wanted to read a ton this summer. But the computer has been so easy to open, and there are so many sites and things to check....and even when I'm updated on everything, I still find a way to get completely sucked in. Then it's hours later and I have no time to read. I've fallen asleep with the laptop in front of me, and that is honestly shameful. So last night, I consciously said NO to the computer, climbed in bed with a book I've been meaning to read for MONTHS (Shadow of the Wind, read it) and fell asleep with a book instead of a computer. And it was the best night I've had since I've been home. Relaxing, enjoyable, stimulating (but not overly stimulating like a computer)... I fell asleep with such ease.

Why didn't I just make this decision to abandon the computer a while ago? Well, I'm weird at night. I get worried about little things, hate dark silence, love when I go to sleep around others who are awake... I really dislike being alone with my own thoughts at night. And the computer solves that. It keeps me connected, even when I'm not actually talking to anyone. Watching videos, reading blogs... these are real people sharing fresh ideas (well maybe not fresh IDEAS, but their posts are new, anyway!) Now, I can get absorbed in a novel just as much as the next book lover, but I think reading lends itself to reflection, to thinking about your life. And I go from thinking about life to thinking about other, irrelevant things. And it is so damn quiet at night.

Reading in the day has been a problem for me because I just cannot sit down! For some reason I can't get in the mood to read. And that mood used to be SO easy to get into... I've been completely copping out since I've been home and it's really frustrating. A friend lent me Shadow of the Wind back in February... of course, school and the boyfriend kind of got in the way of reading, but I was so excited to read it when I got home since my friend had raved so much about it. It was his favorite book, and you know those friends where you just trust their opinion on almost anything? That's the kind of friend we're dealing with...but STILL, the book sat, collecting dust.

But now, I am choosing literature over technology. It is so much better for my mind and body. I learn so much and I just feel better. Yes, the computer still has its place (hello, blog) but there will be no more late nights refreshing Twitter and Facebook, or searching for yet another blog to follow (I'll do that in the daytime). The screen overly stimulates my mind and totally prevents me from having a good night's sleep. And this summer is about, among other things, being a healthier person. I have to actually make the effort for that to be possible.

My next project will be taming my wild and ridiculous thoughts, once and for all.

Classic

A text I just received from my boyfriend, upon his telling me he recently purchased a GameCube:

"Baby I love you but I need a half hour to play this. We just opened it. Text me in 30??"


I am dating a true guy's guy, and I couldn't be happier.

Some Boring Details

I figured I'd blog as I sit here with olive oil soaking into my scalp. It's kind of sliding onto my forehead and my entire neck/collarbone feels a little greasy, but since it's about the only thing that even remotely helps my scalp problem. Seriously, I've tried everything. Oh well. This E.V.O.O. is beneficial for both my hair and my skin I guess. 3 points for being soft, supple and shiny!

Oy. Gotta go to the derm soon.

I've been to two Padre games in the past three days, which is just fantastic. I'm also two for two... they always win when I'm in attendance. Pads' lucky charm right here! Puts me in the greatest mood, too. Nothing like some solid, quality baseball to brighten your day. Also, hot dogs with jalapenos? Deeeelicious.

That's pretty much all I did, considering I slept in until one for whatever reason. I guess since I'm used to sleeping on the couch now, I like to stay in bed for as long as possible when I get a chance. But I really dislike sleeping in so late. Such a waste of a day. Tomorrow I hope to pop up bright and early.

I feel like I shouldn't have to keep to my post every other day thing if I have absolutely NOTHING interesting to say. Oh well. Brain's not really working at the mome. What can ya do?

Losing the Filter

A funny episode from this afternoon:

Sister: Shit!

Dad: Excuse me?

Sister: Sorry! It felt like I got stabbed with a knife! Wouldn't you say 'shit' if you got stabbed with a knife??

Dad: Eh, I'd probably use the F word.

Such crack-ups in this family. As we're all getting older, my parents are becoming less sensitive to curse words. They try to get mad sometimes, but almost always let it slide. Though it is a bit sad that we're all at that age (especially my sister), I must say it makes for some highly entertaining situations.

Happy June!

It is officially my birthday month. Which is exciting but also kind of depressing because...really? It's been a year since I turned 18? Seems impossible. The way time has passed just generally seems unreal. Last summer was a minute ago... but also a whole person ago. How can a chunk of time simultaneously feel so long and yet so brief?

I try not to dwell on that. I'll never figure it out.

Regardless, I am beyond thrilled to spend my birthday with only the people that matter most this year, both the new and the tried-and-true. Oh, a rhyme! I always get so excited, yet still cannot come up with something to do until about a week before. I'm sure I'll keep it low-key. I just want to be surrounded by LOVE on all sides. That's all I want. So much has happened this year and I've realized that is the most important thing. Just to love and be loved and surround yourself with love.

In other love-related news, my handsome stud of a boyfriend flew into L.A. today! I tracked his flight, refreshing the page every fifteen minutes because just the idea of him being in the same time zone as me was incredibly exciting. Not even seeing him until next Wednesday, but STILL. So he's here. Happy and tired, settling into his new home. I love that boy. His voice, his face, his words. All make me more authentically happy than I've been in so long. I cannot wait to get started on our adventures this summer.

Time for BED. These constant headaches are really getting old. Body, adjust already!