An Email From My English Professor

Dear English 255, 


It's a good day for tea. I'll bring the kettle. 


SZ


I love her. And we have the same initials, which trips me out when I receive her emails.

Vassar Living

It's been over two weeks since I've posted a mundane life update. So that's what this will be! Nothing of particular note has happened, but I have snapped quite a few pictures over the past few weeks. My phone [HTC Evo] is seriously a godsend... the pictures it takes are overall better quality than my camera. Plus, I always have my phone, and rarely carry around my camera. Actually, I'm not entirely sure where it is at the moment. It's 5 years old, and technology has progressed so much that it's almost pointless to have. Served me well, though. So anyways. My past two weeks in pictures (since I don't want to use the brainpower to  can't recall every minute detail).

 Fireworks the night of Serenading.  Didn't participate in actual serenading, but I did spend time with my lovely friends and caught the fireworks show over Main building. Such a spectacular sight, but non-fancy cameras aren't so awesome at capturing dimly lit scenes. Got these, though!

Enjoyed some sweet Strawberry Blossom tea that Dan sent me because he didn't like it. Ha. But I did! It's too sweet to be an every day thing, but it has a nice flavor (and it's pink!)

Tea a couple of days later. A lovely, relaxing Sunday morning. Clearly, I like my tea.

Saw a deer on the way to the dc. He turned away before I could snap this photo, but he was cute! And I haven't seen a deer in the fall here. Only in the dead of winter at 2am last year....which is strange, too, I guess. I might have some pictures of that!

The leaves are starting to turn!! I am taking pictures of this whenever I see it, because I find the transition SO beautiful and fascinating. YAY, favorite Vassar season. More pictures to come. That cluster of trees will be emblazoned perfection in a few weeks.

Shanna sent me a card! She is so fancy, and she made my week. 

(Also, hi Shann! Loooove you)

Char and I hit up the Arlington Street Fair this past Saturday afternoon. We went to see FlyPeople perform, but I totally missed this last year and I wanted to see it. Totally reminded me of the Gymkhana in Jamul. A little kitschy, some interesting people, but also a lot of adorable families. There were so many gnats flying around on the walk there, though. Absolutely horrendous.

The sunset Saturday night was pink and glorious. My phone decided to restart when I was trying to take a good picture (it really picks the greatest times), so these aren't really representative... but still have a pink hue!

Vanity Fair is too long. Listen, William Makepeace Thackeray. 900 pages is just not necessary. It's just not. However, it is still a lovely novel, even if I am 100 pages behind. 

That is not 02 points. That is one hundred and two points. On the simplest word ever. Triple Letter for the J and also a Triple Word. I was the most proud.

Reading the aforementioned novel in the library this afternoon. Quite a lovely view.

...More leaves. I told you, every chance I get.

I went to the Farmer's Market today and picked up some apples and almonds. I never really use this gate and don't notice it when I do. Isn't it beautiful? And also so 19th century and fancy and Vassar. I love this school, I do.

Saturday night I hung out with Char and Niya in Joss. We had a pizza/study/dance/movie party. I have so much fun with those girls... most of the time, I like those nights SO much more than going out. Though we did go to  jazz night at Ferry and BSU Mug Night on Friday, which wasn't a bad time either ;)

Tour Guide update! I'm still loving it, but not giving enough tours! If too much time elapses, I get super nervous again. I did get a lovely comment card from a student on my tour last week. Positive reinforcement! 

I went to a Study Abroad meeting last week too... Meh. So complicated. I have to declare my major and decide where I'm going and it's all due by December 5th... It got me really excited but I have a lot  of decisions to make. 

Recent obsession: Pinterest. For the love. I hope it's up for the next decade at least because I have a ton of wedding/home/kid ideas on my boards... Hey, at least it promotes planning! Whoever invented that is a genius. It's like, a streamlined Tumblr. 

I also caved to desire and ordered two China Glaze nail polishes for half off their retail price. Emerald Sparkle and 24 K. Beyond excited for those! It's nice that I've been able to relax about spending money, but I don't want to relax too much.

I don't think I ever talked about the care package Dan sent me about two weeks ago. It had seven different loose teas, candy, a mix CD, 5 movies and a pack of cards (for whatever reason). He also sent me a sweet, funny letter. Of course, that's him in two words. Thankful for that boy.

So a busy couple of weeks I've had... Feels like I never left though. Hard to believe it hasn't even been a month that I've been back. But yay! Because time passing quickly makes me very upset. And I love this place and this time and this life.

I'm The Worst at Titles

Sometimes I think about my life in 15 years; I transport myself to my future house with my future family. The nights in which I'll tell college stories to my kids... and they'll just imagine them as tall tales, distant happenings of decades ago. That's how I think of my parents' college experience. It is SO hard to imagine them in a similar position as I am right now: going to class, living in dorms, going out on the weekends. I struggle to think of their early lives as real, seeing as I wasn't born, conceived, or even thought of at that point. Not to imply that the world revolves around me, of course. But my perspective is limited by the length of my existence. And now I'm the college student. And I'm the one creating the stories to be told years down the line. Sometimes I really do get into an entirely different perspective, and imagine the present as the past. It's surreal. As much as time flies by, it also kind of stands still in the high school and college days. Our phases of life are changing every four years, and we haven't entered that end-all, be-all, "real world" stage. I cannot really visualize myself anywhere but here. All I can do is imagine how it might be 5 years, 10 years, 2 decades from now.

When I think about all of that, I just want to fervently record every single experience I have. I'm afraid of forgetting everything wonderful, funny, devastating, exciting about my Vassar years. I could already fill a book with my memories.

But I also feel the pressure to have these incredible experiences. Am I doing enough? Am I sufficiently involved? Will I have enough to tell, or will my kids stop me halfway through and tell me how boring I am? My parents have had such amazing lives; they have had so many unique and enriching experiences, and I hope beyond anything that I can look back from the suburbs one day with my little tribe of 3 or 4 and think "Damn, I had a good time."

Confession.

I miss high school.

Uh. Hm. BLERG.

Only a really small, almost negligent bit. I just... I kind of miss being angsty.

Wow. How awful does that sound? I'm embarrassed for myself. But I do have an explanation. I've had Pandora playing all day. Sara Bareilles channel, which, come to find out, mostly plays songs I listened to repeatedly in high school while contemplating a romantic interest, or staying up into the wee hours of the night (when I figured out how beautiful and peaceful 2am was).  Honestly, WHITE HOUSES just came on. Not that I directly related to Vanessa Carlton's losing her virginity in a car when I was 16, but still. ANGSTY.

High school wasn't 'easy.' I mean, maybe it was compared to 'the real world.' I'm not there yet. But that's not why I miss it. I almost miss it because it was rough, hard sometimes. It was the first time I felt like I was making important decisions, feeling incredibly true emotions, becoming myself. Those are such transformative years, and they only happen once. I learned so much, made so many mistakes, shed so many tears, had so many firsts. I want to feel that first flutter of love again, the first real feeling of confidence, the first realization that I finally have a best friend. I want to be able to immerse myself in those moments again. I want to remember exactly what I felt. And the farther I get from those moments, the less I can recall. How shitty. I guess that's what you get when you only journal consistently for 3 months. Good try, Sarah.

I miss being angsty without worrying about the future. Now, every time I have a problem—academically, socially, with relationships or theater—I think "How will this affect my future?" I can feel things getting more serious as time wears on. It's weird. I won't even get a chance to blink before I'm on my ass in New York City. (Expect many more posts on the impending transition to real life in about 2.5 years....Ok, so I'm jumping the gun a little).

I miss coming home after school and talking to my parents, having a snack with my sister, enjoying the afternoon.... and then staying up until midnight to do homework. All the while texting my friends or current significant other, sorting out the drama in our lives.

Of course, there's that enormous chunk of me that doesn't miss any of that stuff, that would never in a million years choose to return to that life, (most of) those people, those 'problems.'

It's just the fact that I'll never get to do that again. Be what the songs talk about, you know? Being young, reckless, heartbroken, in love, anxious to escape... how thrilling it all was, to be in the midst of that. Though I didn't always think so at the time. Now I have escaped, and it's wonderful and everything I want (mostly) and...comfortable. That's the thing. It's comfortable. It's my life now, not a dream, a faraway prospect. A thrilling adventure to be had.

But I know, 4 or 5 or 10 years down the line, I'll think back on this time. How magical this was, how I sometimes wish I could go back. It comes back to living in the moment (doesn't it always?) To doing everything you want to do, acknowledging that you're living the dream because you're living. This is the magical time, and it always will be.

A Post Amidst the Craziness

Wow, things got busy fast. What a stark contrast to the beginning of freshman year. I guess coming in already attached to jobs and student groups and friends, I shouldn't be surprised. But, though confident I can prevent it, I am able to see that point quite nearly on the horizon that I start drowning in all of my 'responsibilities.'

 Having my own room is helping (I think) to keep me focused... it's so, so great to be alone. Highly underrated, in my personal opinion. So many people hate being alone, or worse, look down on others that spend time alone, assuming they're doing so simply because there weren't any friends available to hang...or that they don't have any friends. But to have long stretches of uninterrupted thought or peace and quiet is really priceless. I feel like I'm going to learn a lot about myself this year. I got my rug today... and lugged it back from receiving all by my lonesome. I got a lot of sympathetic looks from strangers and friends... safe to say that was my workout for the day. So now my room is pretty much DONE. Here's how it looks:

I'll get it prettied up a bit, maybe some flowers and picture frames. On the wall to the left, which you can't see here, I need a BIG poster. I found a beautiful one (Ballooning Over Paris, Google it) but it's $40.00 and I just don't think I can swing that for a piece of paper. So I'll keep hunting, and if nothing else grabs my attention, I'll bite the bullet. I just am itching to decorate my walls because it still kind of seems bare in here, though the rug certainly helps. Isn't it kind of funky? I love it.

Tour Guide Training pretty much looked like this: 

Ok, that was one small part. Actually my least favorite part. Traipsing through the farm in intense heat and humidity. Made for some beautiful pictures, though! Love my fancy camera phone.

Classes have been wonderful, which makes me so very happy. Last year, I have to be honest, I didn't really connect with any of the courses I took. The work was tedious, I didn't feel like I was learning, nothing really sparked interest, much less passion, in me. This year is different. 

Nineteenth Century British Novels is bringing out the bookworm in me. My professor is kind of insane, I love it. She's so excited about these novels, and the time period. It's hard not to feel the passion when the professor so clearly feels and expresses it. We're currently reading Jane Austen's Persuasion. It's beautiful and compelling and I get sucked right in. Imagine that, actually enjoying a book for class. So much love for novels. I've never read any Austen or Dickens, even Jane Eyre. Which feels like a bit of a crime against the book lovers of the world, but I'm doing it now! It's lovely.

Sources of World Drama isn't the most exciting class in the world, but I can tell it's going to be very important. Learning the history of theater in all different countries and eras, and then reading the plays of that time. Nothing better you can do as an aspiring actor. READ PLAYS. 

French Grammar... not AWESOME. But already very helpful. I'm even a bit excited to do the exercises. It's nice to reinforce the foundations. My professor, though....sheesh. Strange.

History of Fashion for Theater. Fantastic book. Will go on my coffee table in the future. I'm learning about facets of cultures that have only crossed my mind fleetingly, if at all. That's pretty exciting to me.

Last weekend, FWA screened Chicago on the quad along with ViCe. This is what that looked like:

So much fun. Movies on the quad, or anywhere outside, make them so much better! It's too bad we'll all be freezing our butts off in two months...

The weather is back to warm and humid, but for a while I wasn't sure if the rain would ever stop. Honestly, persistent water from the sky for days. And thunderstorms as well. Since my bed is pushed up against one window, I can face the window, feel the cool breeze, hear the rain and watch the lightning flash. Kind of eery but incredibly peaceful. So I won't mind the rain when it comes again. Plus, everything is so clean and beautiful afterwards.

Not the best picture, but I really love this tree, and I've just recently noticed it. SO GREEN. 

Going out with the girls tonight... it's weird not living on the same hall, seeing each other at least once a day. But I think it makes us appreciate our friendship more. I only hope it doesn't separate us at all. Everyone's so busy with all these new things, but I still want to be able to count on my best friends.

The times, they do change. But it's still Vassar, and it's still wonderful.

It's That Day.

Well, here we are. Summer has come and gone, and I'm four hours away from packing up the car and heading for Utah (which I literally started to type as youtah...i'm tired) with all but one member of the fam.

These past ten days have mostly been full of craziness. I don't remember all that I did, nor do I feel pressured to. Though this sunburn on my shoulders is making me painfully aware that I sat in the blazing sun at a Padre game on Sunday. Not just any game, but the Trevor Hoffman Retirement Ceremony game. What they did for him before the Pads played was marvelous and so well done. Truly touching... I love to see upstanding people get recognized for their talent and integrity. It just makes you feel good.
We also won the game in a nail-biting ninth, coming down to a triple by Hundley and a walk-off single by Venable, who was mobbed by his teammates immediately after. That camaraderie between the players and the love they have for the game... that is why I watch baseball. Why it makes me so damn happy. I also was sporting the Padres nail decals Dan gave me for my birthday, which I think I'm more enamored with than the pearl bracelet he gave me... Priorities?

My last day of work was Saturday, which was insaaaanely busy; I don't think I sat down once. On Sunday night we got together for ice cream at the Del. Such a lovely sunset and atmosphere... Roberta gave me a corn popper like the one we use in the store. Sadly, I can't take it to school, but I think my sister will be pretty happy with it here! Michele gave me earrings that she made (so gorgeous) as well as popcorn for the popper and some m&m's. I'm sad to leave work! It has really been wonderful working there. I got so beyond lucky with that job. Can't wait to go back!

Dan came down for a few days last week... we went to a Padres game, took multiple walks, went out to eat. All the usual stuff. Our walks were really, really nice. I just imagined doing that years down the road...nothing would be sweeter. On the day he left we got up very early and cuddled for a while before walking to get breakfast. After we ate, we went down to the beach...I was pleasantly surprised to see a wedding being set up. Such a beautiful place for a wedding... the huge expanse of sand, the wide ocean, the Del off to the left... Pure paradise here. Seriously. When Dan finally took off I was a bit of a mess. I tried to memorize his hugs and kisses. I can't imagine being without them for three months. I'm thankful I had to work 20 minutes later; otherwise, I probably would have shut myself up in a room to cry. Ha.

I'm very excited to get back to Vassar, though I feel like Time has played tricks on me again, and I'm somewhat disappointed in my lack of accomplishments this summer, mostly having to do with school and theater. But I think this year holds so many awesome opportunities, and responsibilities as well. A growing year, I'm sure of it.

Though I guess I can't think too far ahead. I've got a 15-hour car ride staring me straight in the face. Let's deal with that first... maybe I should sleep for a few hours so I can at least pretend to be a civilized person 3 hours from now. Oh goodness.

Frustrated.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with technology, I just wish it would poof! disappear.

I get that it's amazing and I should just be happy that it exists because it's given us so much and resulted in so much "progression" (actually regression), but GOD can we just get a couple of things made correctly??

I shouldn't be having problems like my iTunes account suddenly being registered to some guy named Gail in Birmingham, Alabama... but with the same Apple ID?! That makes no sense at all. After taking my MacBook in to the Genius Bar twice in the last week? This should not be happening,

And should my phone be sporadically shutting down, restarting and freezing when I try to answer phone calls? No, but that's a different story entirely.

I actually relish the times I'm away from my computer and phone... it's so peaceful. I read, I think, I can just be without constant distracting stimulation. I've caught that 'disease': Once I get on the computer, I just don't get off. I forget that I was going to close it right after I checked my email, right after I checked Twitter, Facebook, Blogger... suddenly it's been over and hour and ya, I'm entertained but my To-Do List stays long and my brain stays....unenriched. I should at LEAST be blogging more, writing a story, something more productive.

Overall, I log off the computer feeling disappointed in myself and somewhat brain-dead, even if I was somewhat enjoying that hour spent Twittering, Facebooking, etc. It's just not worth it. I really can't wait to get back to school so that I can have beautiful things to look at and paths to walk and a host of things to do that don't involve a screen!