Tuesday, May 31, 2011

How Lovely to Be a Woman

My monthly visitor is hitting me particularly hard this time around. For the past 3 days I've been crampy, light-headed, and just generally not feeling so hot. Since I've been home, I've had multiple headaches and a lack of endurance for any real activity. By 4pm I want a nap! Whenever mother nature's gift really has an effect on my life, I get depressed for a while with the knowledge that this is going to happen once a month for the next 30 or so years.

30 x 12 = 360 periods.... multiply that by 5 and you get 1,800. Roughly 1,800 days of this madness still to come in my life. THAT'S INSANE.


After agonizing over this briefly, I stop, breathe deeply, and do that cheesy grateful-for-the-shit-in-life-because-it-brings-great-things, thing. And it's really true in this case. To know my body is working the way it's supposed to is fantastic... to witness the intricacies of this fascinating system. Really, I am flabbergasted (so many f adjectives!) by the fact that our bodies just...know. It's weird.

So that's what makes me able to breathe through and forget about the pain... that and my mom telling me how much worse it is to have a baby.


Sunday, May 29, 2011


I'm perfectly aware of how lame that was, but since Glee is EVERYWHERE on Twitter, Facebook and the like, I figured it was appropriate, since I am blogging about the live tour that stopped in San Diego tonight.

It was great, to put it simply. More talent and energy in one place than I've ever seen. Some songs sung live, some clearly recorded—but all fantastic. The dancing, the lights, the effects, the SEXY. The happiness that exuded from each of those lovely stars. They are living the dream, no question. I had a moment during the show in which I was sure I'd choose that life over going back to school. Upon reflection, I may have just been caught up in the moment, but there is NOTHING more fulfilling for me than performing, and if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I'd jump on it. (though I might be too obsessed with Vassar....yes). But wow, someone like Chris Colfer—really, an unknown before the show—must be in blissful disbelief when he gets on that stage in front of thousands of adoring (screeching) fans. Seriously those girls are the reason I hate crowds. But tonight I guess I was one of them.

One thing. (isn't there always?) Whenever I leave a concert, I just never feel like I got the FULL experience. I feel a bit shortchanged at the end. Tonight it might have been because it was fairly short (less than an hour and a half) or because I was taking videos at times and therefore not completely immersed in/focused on the performance. But I think that's just the nature of these types of events. The expectation is so high, and it's hard to reach that bar, not to mention the fact that it's impossible to absorb every minute of every song. Whatever the case, I am glad I have those videos so that I can try to relive this glorious night.

I don't go to concerts often—I can count on one hand how many I've been to—so it was pretty amazing to just be in the physical presence of people that are on television; famous, talented and driven human beings... it really does get me going. We waited for them after the show..but alas, they were not to be seen. Still, the concert itself is like a celebrity sighting, only scheduled. Which is fine with me... for now!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Healthy Horse

In college, it is incredibly easy to shrug off the importance of a healthy diet and lifestyle. After all, we have so many more important things to think about, right? Wrong, of course. But we don't see the immediate effects of the cheap and unhealthy 'nourishment' we put into our bodies. Whereas that paper MUST be turned in and that book MUST be read (or at least thoroughly Sparknoted...) Not to mention the fact that the food that is available to college students is already subpar. So even if you wanted to eat healthy, you really have to make an effort.

So I had found I had kind of fallen off the healthy horse in recent months.
It has been absolutely fantastic to be home and have so many healthy resources at my fingertips. It can be such a pain to watch what I eat...and completely unenjoyable at times, as well. Plus, if I'm perfectly honest, I don't see too much of an effect either way. But just having everything in front of me makes it so much easier. And I do feel a difference. If only a self-esteem boost. Today I had two salads; lunch and dinner. Completely organic, lots of bright vegetables and healthy oils.. and delicious, too! It just felt like I was doing a good thing for my body, and that was more than enough.

Though it is hard for me to pass on the classic summer and county fair treats—especially in moments of laze and intense cravings—I hope I can be a lot more conscious of what I'm putting into my body... we only have one!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Summer in Coronado, Day 1

Today was my first full day of official, San Diego summer.

Yesterday I traveled for 10 and a half hours. Newark to Chicago to SD. Leaving Dan was hard. We got to the airport at about noon and stood together outside security, alternately hugging and kissing and smiling and then, of course, tearing up. The way his arms feel around me is unparalleled, and no part of me wanted to walk away from that. Seeing as he'll be in L.A. in 9 days, maybe I didn't need to be emotional about it. But that was the moment in which everything changed. We're no longer the college couple that gets to spend every day together, go out to breakfast, work together in the library. We are officially 'long distance.' College intensifies everything, speeds it up. Which makes this that much more difficult. But I think I'll hold off on my laments until I go back to Vassar and we're 3,000 miles away for the next semester.

On to summer. As the third hour of The Today Show ended, I began to feel lazy and guilty for watching so much TV and not moving from the couch for longer than the 5 minutes it took to make some tea. Then I thought, screw it, it's summer after my freshman year of college. I deserve a few days of laze. Sat through a couple more hours of quality programming, and then video chatted with the man for about an hour. Which is when my headache started... and it JUST went away (12 hours later.) At 2, I walked down to Orange with my siblings. Checked in at the store in which I'll be working and then got some delicious frozen yogurt before walking home. Seriously, this lifestyle is bliss. A 180 from the Jamul house (which I try not to dwell on because it's still a little sad, despite the bliss here. But I wouldn't change a thing).
I tuned in to Oprah's second-to-last show (boy did they break out the stars for that woman), and then took a 2 hour nap. What a life. Woke up to the Padres game, which ended up disappointing but no matter, we'll get 'em next time.
For dinner I had my first burrito in months...but it kind of tasted like Taco Bell, thus ruining the whole 'authentic mexican' thing I'd been missing so much. Estrada's soon?!

Tomorrow will probably look very similar to today. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

New Beginnings

My boyfriend is graduating college this morning. Suddenly, everything is so incredibly real. I leave for home tomorrow... he'll follow me to southern California in early June, but I know we'll never have what we have had these past two months. And if we do, it will be years down the road, assuming we stay together.

I'm readying myself for a summer of once a week/every two weeks visits, and at least one semester of no time together. That scares me, considering I haven't gone a day without seeing him for hours since March. I have no problem being alone, being with just friends... I don't need him around me to be happy. But he has become such an integral part of my life, and now that life is being flipped on its head.

Things are changing. But I think that's okay. I think it's for the best. I believe in us, and I am excited for the years to come.

Most of all, I am so wonderfully proud. I feel like I've known this incredible guy for so long... and he really is incredible. And we have changed each other—definitely for the better. For good.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Stormy Evening

Tonight I did a whole lot of packing.

I also had four pieces of pizza, watched a torrential downpour, laughed with Modern Family and sipped some piping hot coffee. All with my beau. I feel so lucky to have someone to cuddle and smile with. Someone that asks "Can I hold you?" and tells me I look beautiful even in my most simple states of being.

I'm anxious to get home, but also so not looking forward to being away from this lovely, lovely man. I have no doubts that we will be okay, but going from hours together every day to maybe once a week? Not a fan.

Oh well. No use worrying about the future when I still have four nights and three days with this handsome stud.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What is This Feeling?

Summer has officially begun. ...And it's raining. I guess the weather in Poughkeepsie is just as bipolar as in San Diego?

But of course, not much can put a damper on my mood. After all of the stress and procrastination the last two weeks—oh wait, the last year—have produced, I am SO HAPPY to be done. At the same time, my roommates are now both gone and it is incredibly strange, empty, and depressing. I remember moving in so vividly... it in no way feels like almost 9 months ago.

I don't want to be 25% done with my college career. Life is propelling me forward and I don't know if I'm ready for that. As much as I am excited to go home, spend time with my family and have no responsibilities, I love this place. And the idea that one year is behind me and there are only 3 left is sad. Also, three months without Vassar is just weird, considering I've spent the better part of 9 months here. This is my life now, and I'm worried I'm going to feel kind of out of place this summer. Just itching to go back. Over spring break I felt uneasy 24/7. Being away from a life that was becoming more and more concrete, coming home to a life that was completely different from before. New house, new location. I coped mentally, but not physically.

That's the nature of life, though. Everything changes, life will always go on. And sometimes, we won't know how we really feel. But I think that's okay. That's part of the fun of it. Figuring ourselves out.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Middle of the Night

It's 3am and I have absolutely no desire to sleep. I love the solitude and peace of the wee hours of the night (though this night has been full of drunken, shouting college students coming in waves, it being the last weekend of the school year). Still, I am here, alone with my mind and all of the minds sharing their thoughts on the internet. Honestly, I have not done one mindless thing on the computer all night. I have been devouring blogs for the last two hours. People are amazing, their stories are compelling. The way we are all fighting our daily battles is truly admirable and the way some women have recorded their lives via blog has inspired me.
I've had this account since March of last year, and haven't done a thing with it since signing up. I got a Tumblr account in September 2010, and have since been intermittently posting my thoughts—though usually I cop-out, reblogging pictures and quotes from other blogs I follow. Which is the great thing about Tumblr, but I am putting off writing... I don't know why, but it needs to stop.
Since summer is fast approaching (last final on Monday!), I am making it my goal to blog every other day. Doesn't have to be long, doesn't have to be interesting, doesn't have to be read by anyone. Just for me. So I can remember what I am doing with this crazy life! Hopefully I'll get into the rhythm of it and post every day, but I'm not into setting myself up for failure right out of the gate. Ha.
This may or may not be the most boring blog ever, but hopefully I can find a way to spice it up, as life does often throw curveballs and produce speed bumps. Both of which I love. Maybe only in retrospect, but even still, love. I'm living and learning here, and sometimes that can be pretty damn interesting. Amusing, at the very least. I'm hoping, most of all, to come to know myself better as I write about my days. Sometimes we can lose ourselves in the shuffle, and I want to keep my cards out on the table, right where I can see them.

First lame pun, accomplished.

Until Monday.