Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Routine. Wetness still dripping from wrist to elbow, now elbow to wrist. Like every night. The cool air from the open window makes me shiver and feel disdain for this walk to and from the bathroom. And for the boys down the hall.

Dull throbbing headache. A barrage of thoughts and a deep breath to will them away. My to-do list grows longer and I feel as if I could never write it all down, much less do it all.

It will get done.
Tonight, I sleep. I must sleep.

Stretch out those achy muscles, relieve the brain and the heart. The day is done, we're locked in here for hours alone. Recharge, reboot.

Thank God.

Noise in the hallway, pounding feet above me, that god-awful singing ricocheting off the walls. IT ECHOES. Don't you know?

Calm the nerves.
Let today be.

Let it be.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Project 365 #3

I realized about 15 days into it that it's actually Project 366, but for some reason I just don't like that so we'll deal with it on December 31st. The month is up, holy crap. Also, don't ask me why I'm doing these every ten days. It really makes no sense. The year is not divisible by ten. But, hey. As Megan would say, I do what I want.

Day 21: 1.21.12. 
Beautiful view from the library. Nothing like fresh snow.

Day 22: 1.22.12
Obsessed with these lollipops. But not with my face. So I cropped it.

Day 23: 1.23.12
Boyfriend is here! He uses a LOT of napkins.

Day 24: 1.24.12
Chinese food floor picnic with Dan.

Day 25: 1.25.12
Wow there is a lot of food in this post. Carrots, PB, grapefruit, raspberries. So healthy, so yummy.

Day 26: 1.26.12
Like I said, I love these lollipops. Also, I can't handle my unruly eyebrows ANYMORE.
Boyfriend left this day. 

Day 27: 1.27.12
Literally every day is just FOOD. Oatmeal with cranberries and brown sugar... The best.

Day 28: 1.28.12.
There are three I could not choooose. Shiva Rave. 
One of my favorite nights.

Day 29: 1.29.12
Stress. Because I couldn't get my act together over the weekend.

Day 30: 1.30.12
Oh. More food. Delightful salad bar. Pesto pasta, spinach with feta and roasted red peppers, sesame broccoli and tofu, garbanzo beans, egg. Sounds weird but oh so good.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sunday Dump [the second]

If I had to pick one food to eat... hummus. All day every day hummus. Specifically roasted garlic or jalapeno hummus.

Sometimes I think about things too long and they just become so weird to me. Today it was paddle brushes.

Whenever I clean out my ears I always finish feeling unsatisfied. Like I didn't do a good job. I also always forget to do this.

This weekend was a total bust in terms of productivity. I was stressed over my phone and my room and only went outside at night. Stayed in my PJs all day. But I'm just breathing, and taking it with a grain of salt. Sometimes, weekends are unproductive.

Why did we decide to shorten pajamas to PJs? Whose idea was that? I bet Wikipedia would know.

My neck is really tight and tender. I'm wondering if it was the way I slept or all that crazy head banging and whipping of the hair I did last night.

When I re-watch my vlog footage I always notice my unruly eyebrows. They never stay in place. I think it's time to invest in a brow kit.

My boyfriend, that practical little bugger (i just wanted to use the word bugger), doesn't really understand the vlogging/blogging every day thing. Or at least why I prioritize it. He wants me to be more relaxed about school and thinks all this daily stuff is going to stress me out. I replied with how much I will treasure these documentations of this year of my life 5, 10, 20 years down the road. And how I will probably forget any stress it caused, feeling only gratefulness and pride. Also, not gonna really care if I pored over or skimmed Uncle Tom's Cabin when I look back on my college years. (Very important play/novel, though. Read it.)

I wish I could cook more. I at least wish I had a magic bullet here. But God knows I wouldn't clean it but once every two weeks. That walk to the bathroom is just so long. And usually cold because some boys on my hall open the windows so they can smoke. But that's another frustration for another day.

This week is going to be busy. And probably not my favorite BUT... Beyoncé Mug night on Friday. And you cannot go wrong there.

Saturday, January 28, 2012


Nothing like friends and music.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Unexpected Night Out

My ears are ringing and I'm evaluating whether or not I sweat too much to ruin the shower I took before being dragged out.

I was gonna stay in tonight, cleaning up my room and making a plan of attack for my homework... but 11:15 rolled around and Reeve convinced me to go to a birthday party. After watching Julia fall flat on her face and dancing with balloons and the birthday boy, we went to the Mug. Which should just be renamed Sweat Fest. Because, really. I weaved my way through the bodies—strategically, in a desperate attempt to avoid perspiration transfers (not a thing). The Mug is quite literally the opposite of my scene: loud music, random hookups, a claustrophobic, perpetually humid atmosphere... but I must say, the view from the DJ booth is hilarious to say the very least. When I pass a select few people on the sidewalks in the next week, I will smile secretly to myself. And also hope they don't remember seeing me because my hair was still drying when I went outside and to say that is a disaster would be a tragic understatement. Because of that, there are about 100 pictures...but none of me.

I was actually only gone for about two hours, even though it felt like ages. Despite my seemingly prudish (untrue) and homebody (kinda true) attitude, I DO have fun when I go out, and I'm glad I have friends who sooometimes know better than I do what I really want. I needed to release some freakin' pressure.

But also, I really need to clean my room.

And when will this ringing stop?

(p.s. i love how my blog is always on PST time so I can post up to 3am here and the day won't change! yay!)

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Elaboration on Yesterday's Post

So, yes. I realized I no longer hate improv. Nor do I avoid participating at all costs for fear of embarrassment.

I didn't notice this about myself. I still went around telling people improv wasn't my thing, I hope we don't do improv for these auditions, I'm so nervous for this class as I've heard there will be improv. Because in high school, I did hate it. I never volunteered for sides, I struggled with the question game, found ways to get out of the room for as much of the freakin' gibberish game as possible without looking suspicious. I love acting, I love being silly... but I didn't think I was funny. And I was afraid people would judge me for not being funny. I hated it because in my eyes, I sucked at improv.

And so I went on believing that about myself, not questioning it, thinking it would always be that way. I grew and changed and became new in many ways, but I failed to realize that there would be a change in my beliefs as well, in my attitude.

That's where we run into problems.

Being stuck.

Stuck with a certain preconceived notion about something, someone, or, most importantly, ourselves. I can think I am SO in touch with myself, that I understand my inner being completely... but one little reality-check, and it's clear. I am not. I had not taken the time to reassess my preferences, my values, my beliefs. I thought that if something about me changed I would just know. It would be obvious and the modification would appear naturally in my every day life.

I think we get comfortable with ourselves. And then we get ignorant. And we aren't aware anymore of how we are movingchanginggrowing all the time. And what that means for us and what we love and hate to do.

Will we realize if our passion changes? Or will we keep pursuing that dream we had for years and years, not listening to our heart tell us we don't want it anymore.

I've become less inhibited, a little funnier, more experienced in all things life since high school. And I knew those things, but never thought about them in context of other things I thought to be true about myself. But now -- wow! The world is wider and brighter.

So I don't hate improv anymore. I might even like it a little.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


I don't hate improv anymore.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

"I'd Put That On My Wall"

There has been a hell of a lot of wisdom flying at me the past few days, what with the Measure for Measure read through, my religion readings, my acting class... it feels like more than I've acquired in my past three semesters here, and I love it. I love it so much. Good, hearty wisdom. Fully satisfying.

I wanted to share the Eightfold Path that is associated with Buddhism. I'm not a Buddhist, nor do I know much about the way of life (yet!) but I feel this is applicable to everyone, and something I really want to keep in mind. As I said to Dan tonight, "I'd put that on my wall."

The Eightfold Path consists of:

right opinion
right thought
right speech
right activity
right livelihood
right effort
right attention
right concentration

Don't you just say "yes!" to that in your brain? If I could have that at the front of my brain every day, to inform the choices I make... it's just such a good message.

The older I get, the more I realize how important is to be open to others. To listen. Everyone has their own wisdom.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Short, Sweet.

The boyfriend is here and I shall not waste precious time. We get along like no other; he is really a best friend I just happen to be in love with. Everything about him is a comfort.

Also he's gross and weird but I don't care. I'm gross and weird, too.

Thankful every day.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sundays are for Emptying the Mind

Since I'm blogging every day, I figured it might be a bit more structured and interesting if I threw some weeklies in here. SO. Sunday is Dump Day. All the little bits out on the page before the new week starts. Here we go week one:

I really should not waste time stalking people on Facebook if I have never met them. It's a bad, wasteful habit.

I had a pretty relaxing Sunday, spent mostly in the library, with a long dinner at the DC and a couple of hours spent doing pointless yet fulfilling internet research. I just like knowing things, whatever 'things' they may be. Which probably explains my need to stalk strangers on the internet.

I recommend that everyone read the play Faust. Or at least get a detailed summary of it. (Really, though, you want the quotes). It is such beautiful verse and a truly timeless story of humanity, temptation, strengths and weaknesses. Really breathtaking in some parts. One of my favorite excerpts:

"A sweet yearning, beyond my understanding,
Set me wandering through woods and fields
And while a thousand tears were burning
I felt a world around me come to be."

It just kind of stops you in your tracks.

Thought Catalog is refreshing, and so true to its name. Just thoughts. Thoughts that you or I might have. Weird, random, yet relevant thoughts. Comforting.

I can't seem to get to bed earlier. I'm not really trying hard enough. But I'm improving very slowly (like, earlier by minutes. that slowly) and so I am optimistic that in a couple weeks, I will have a sleep schedule in place. And perhaps a workout schedule, as well. Which might be beyond the scope of my reach but we'll see.

School school school. I do so love my classes this semester. (I reserve the right to change my mind, by the way). On Sunday evenings, however, I tend to feel a little anxious. Like I just want to nest in my 11'x12' and stay here for a while. I guess it's just not knowing what the week will hold, getting out of the rhythm of things. Hopefully I can incorporate more relaxing, meditative activities on Sundays to get rid of that useless anxiety.

I find myself stumbling upon so many blogs whose authors have lost babies before or shortly after birth. It's hurting my heart, and I don't know why I keep finding so many. Is blogging an outlet for many of those mothers? Or is it me attracting those kinds of posts? True, I find it compelling to read. The stories are so beautiful and eloquent; hopeful. But I've discovered an uncomfortable amount, and I cannot figure out why.

I'm still vlogging every day, and I don't intend to stop. I really like doing it, and I shouldn't feel pressure to have something exciting in the video every day. It's my life, the way it is. Real. And if my day is boring, then so it goes. 

So far, my daily resolutions have given me so much awesome structure. Blogging, vlogging, and journaling are all so fulfilling in different ways. I can release everything. I feel lighter, my soul feels refreshed. I just have to commit to staying honest and to really getting it off my chest. It's really a fascinating little experiment.

Dan comes tomorrow (!) It has only been three weeks, but feels like ages. Also, in 5 weeks, we will have been together for one year. I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around that fact. It feels so long and so short at the same time. But just.... substantial. Nothing to laugh at. It's a real chunk of my life. When people ask how long I've been with him, it will no longer be measured in months, but years. Wow. I am so excited to celebrate that day with him. He means so much to me, represents a completely new time in my life. I'll dedicate a whole post to that at some point. 

And there we have it. Ahhh. Such a lovely feeling, emptying the mind. Feeds the soul, ironically enough.

Until tomorrow!

Saturday, January 21, 2012


I hear the shrieks of laughter outside, some drunken, others induced by the combination of lateness and low temperature, that combination we all know so well. They're padding through the snow in their short dresses and fluffy coats. I can see them from the window that was made for me.

I like this view. I like hearing music from the Villard Room, seeing the flashing lights from my bed, knowing that life is pulsating all around me in so many different ways.

Sometimes, I'm in the middle of that music; I feel the flashing lights on me and the stuffy heat that I can't decide if I love or hate. Sometimes I like to wear dresses and heels and adventure into the freezing cold to see what might happen. What could break up the routine. A story to tell come Monday.

Just as much, though, I like to listen. To watch. To enjoy myself and to just know that it's out there. That life is happening. That happiness is present. And that I am warm.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Project 365 #2

Everything I've tried to write tonight feels tired and repetitive and so painfully unoriginal. THANKFULLY, it's time for the last 10 days of the 365 project. Here we gooooo

Day 11. How I felt this day. A lot of tears and frustration.

Day 12. A beautiful sunset in La Jolla.

Day 13. My outfit for work with my new boots. Love.

Day 14. Dinner with my mama at Roppongi.

Day 15. Whittier with the boys of the fam. This is actually a video screenshot...whoops!

Day 16. Going crazy packing.

Day 17. Early morning Starbucks at Grand Central. Got me through the day.

Day 18. In the wee hours, finishing up an emotional project.

Day 19. We love each other.

Day 20. Reeve's peanut butter scoops for his celery. I'm not sure why, but I found this hysterical.

Thursday, January 19, 2012


Definitely thinking a lot about my passion for acting tonight. I've become sort of complacent about it, not really working towards becoming better or fostering my passion... but just being happy that it's still there. Like that's enough.

But it isn't. And I'm realizing that I really need to work. Work whenever I have a spare moment. Because it's not easy, this life. But it CAN be a life. It can be my life. I need to take risks instead of worrying I'm going to be wrong. Otherwise, I will be wrong. And I will never learn.

I do love it, this art. Nothing has brought me more happiness, or happiness that is so pure and unadulterated. I need to respect that, and make it bigger. Make it more.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Inspiration for the First Weeks

This semester already feels stressful. I need now more than ever to keep this kind of wisdom in mind.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


I'm sitting here with oil paint all over me, after becoming suddenly inspired to change my '2 minute life story.'

I brought my old journal back with me. I wasn't consistent. Entries range from August 22, 2008 to December 18, 2010.

In it, though, are some of the most intimate, painful, and ridiculous experiences of my life thus far. And my sometimes poignant, sometimes wise beyond my years, and many times completely inane and immature commentary on what was happening in high school.

I've re-read entries since I've been in college, cringing at my idiocy and further pained by my ignorance of  my idiocy. Not always. But more often than I want to. I appreciated, though, how detailed I was, and wanted to keep it to look back on and remember.

I don't anymore. At least, I can't. It's holding me back. And it doesn't make me proud. My worst nightmare would be for someone to find this. Which proves further that there is no reason for me to keep it.

So it's going. After I finish writing my current self's thoughts on the page with purple oil paint and showing it to my acting class.

Purple. My favorite color. I did it in purple for a reason. Because I know it formed me, I know it shaped my path. So I appreciate it. I acknowledge it, and I love it for what it was and what it made me.

And then I move on.

Monday, January 16, 2012


Just to say I posted. On the plane. Stressed. Ready to tackle all of it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tidbits on Winter Break's End

Last day in the house until March. Yes, yes, I'm excited to go back to Vassar. It is most certainly my second home. But it is also the home to:

freezing cold
inferior dining options

I think it's a combo of me having my own room and the weather being so nice, but I am so content here. And, of course, I love my fam. But that's nothing new.

I was quite far away from completing my list of to-dos. Oh, well. Break is for relaxing anyway, I guess. More last-minute stress for me, yippee! Like I'm not used to it.

Together, we shall:
memorize 2 monologues by Tuesday.
formulate a 2 minute life story by Wednesday. (which I have a blueprint for, thank God)

I'm conflicted about using tomorrow's red eye to sleep or to keep working. I'm thinking... keep working. And then caffeine in the morning when I get to JFK. Because Tuesday will be long no matter which way I slice it.

Is it just that I like being lazy? And not walking through snow to get dinner? Or having to walk more than 5 steps to use the bathroom?

I'm gonna cry when I leave. I always do that. I annoy myself.

Also, is my suitcase gonna be under the weight limit? I'll let you know.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Tapas with Mamas (okay, one mama)

Ugh, seven minutes to midnight. I'm not getting better, am I?

Tonight I went to a fab lounge-y dinner at Roppongi compiled of tapas with my mama:

Pineapple Fried Rice
Asian Pear Arugula Salad
Onion Rings with Wasabi Garlic Aioli (best thing that has ever graced my taste buds)
aaaaand Bosc Pear and Walnut Crisp with Coconut Gelato

Uhm, best dinner ever. Go there. Also, SO much fun with my mom. She's becoming more and more like my best friend every day. She has always balanced the friend/parent line well, but moving into this new stage of our relationship as I get older is simply fabulous. Also, I'm a spitting image of her:

We are just darling.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Two Minute Post... And Some Lovely Words to Live By


How about this quote:

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin

My motto for this upcoming semester. I'm planning on kicking serious ass, but I'm not quite sure how I'll manage it. 

I'll get back to you.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Thoughts on the Early Morning

I woke up at 5:22 this morning, because I was dreaming about being shot at (with a gun AND a crossbow. Awesome) on a dark street. Couldn't fall back asleep. So I've been up for... 17 hours now, and I'm about ready to pass out. But I so loved it! I loved being up before the sun, I loved that when the clock struck 10 (my normal wake-up time) I had already been productive. I love that magical time before the whole world wakes up. The most quiet hours, between 3 and 6. If it wouldn't completely wipe me out, I'd be up at that time way more often. So peaceful.

The day feels so fresh and new. A wonderful rebirth every day, and so many of us aren't awake to see it. I cannot decide which I like more: sunrise or sunset. Though sunsets are often more visually stunning, the promise and possibility of a sunrise is incomparable. It's fresh air, morning dew, the whole sky alighting. How do you beat that?

I hope to be asleep within the next hour, so I can try to wake up early again before I have to work. Honestly, though, fat chance. Unless someone decides to accost me in my dream again.

**Funny how I wrote about needing the freshness and newness that another day brought in my last post. And then I wake up for the sunrise. Wow. Always taken care of.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A Day.

Today was a day. Just a day. There were tears, there was discomfort. There was also laughter and love and friends. And chai lattés. There was a boyfriend who just wanted to love and help, there was a me who was struggling for unknown reasons. There was thought and food and stinging eyes and exhaustion.

Now, there will be bed.

And tomorrow will be another day. Fresh. New. Open.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Project 365: the first ten days.

Day 1. Lots of time reading Eating Animals.

Day 2. Being good to my hair, skin, self.

Day 3. I don't know how this is all I got. But I sat on this couch most of the day. Reading, blogging, etc.

Day 4. A lot of reading a lot of different things.

Day 5. Disneyland with the girls.

Day 6. My first day eating real food after the RESET.

Day 7. Long day of work, happy.

Day 8. Finally finishing eApprentice.

Day 9. Dentist. Also, below.

Still Day 9. Couldn't decide. Beautiful day.

Day 10. Lunch with my pretty sister, who gets to go off campus for lunch!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Another Angry Emoticon Aimed at Technology

Just purged my email. Ahhh, big sigh of relief. I feel virtually lighter. I kept so many StumbleUpon, Marie Claire, Wanelo, eBay emails thinking I was gonna go back to them to see the advice columns/products/cool pictures that piqued my interest. 

Ha. No. They were buried with the others by the avalanche of emails I get inundated with daily. Granted, it's not l,000 a day like some people, nor do I keep emails unread so I have (2639) staring at me from the side of my Mail window. Still, having over 1,000 emails in the inbox at all is insane. Who needs all that information useless crap?

I really need to do the same with my Vassar email. And my messages on Facebook. And I should probably go ahead and delete that Myspace account I haven't logged into in ages. And then I'll go into my gmail, which I only check on my phone... and that's only because the notifications make *dings* like they're text messages so I'm quick to slide the lock and see WHO WANTS TO TALK TO ME.

Technology. Rough. 

My dad just came into my room and talked to me about this one time he signed up to drive someone's car (it was an NYC cab) cross-country with his friend, and once they dropped it off in Albuquerque, they hitchhiked all the way down to Mazatlan, Mexico, spending one night on the floor of a train station. 

This would never happen today. It just wouldn't. Not with cellphones and tablets and security and everything that would just make this seem stupid, as opposed to adventurous and exciting and perfect.

Love and hate, baby. It's a process.

[P.S.: hitting 'delete' feels GOOD. Like, really good].

A Budding Activist

Today I had a long conversation with my parents about vegetarianism. My mom has toyed with the idea, but because of her O blood type, she needs a little meat in her diet. My dad, though very understanding and supportive, has no plans to give up meat. Instead, he grilled me on all my knowledge, asking me many 'what if' questions and throwing in his two cents.

I found myself getting passionate, a bit defensive at times. I heard words come out of my mouth that I never thought I'd hear, and some facts and sentiments I was surprised I even knew. And then of course there was much I didn't know. I was extremely hungry for more knowledge. I wanted all of the facts so I could make an informed decision myself, and then inform others.

I've never thought of myself as an animal rights activist or an activist of any kind. I just never felt the passion I assumed you needed. Now, I feel it. And I want to do something. It's kind of an incredible feeling.

[This is the post for the 8th. Ok, ok I will post before midnight. YOU WIN, Blogger. You. Win.]

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Jack of All Trades

Sometimes I'm angry at the fact that I'm not really good at one thing. That there isn't something that I'm known for, totally confident in. I always feel fairly middle of the road. I'm smart, but not the smartest in the class. I can sing, but so many sing better than I do. I like to write, but I can't churn out stories or papers the way some can. I feel average. And unconfident. I want there to be something I know I can knock out of the park every time.

But today, I thought about how much I can do. There are so many talents I do possess, even if I'm not outstanding at each one. There's that saying: "jack of all trades, master of none." I always thought it was better to be a master of at least one. But maybe there's a pride in dabbling. In being able to dance, sing, and act, but also write and do math and bake. Perhaps it is completely acceptable to not be the best, to not have a signature talent.

I realize I didn't post the Disneyland pictures as promised. Well, at least this focused on not needing a signature talent . Because following through? Wouldn't be it.

(actually posted on Saturday. Because it was before I went to sleep so SUCK IT, Blogger)

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Just Some Things*

I made a list of things I need to do before I go back to NY. Feel a bit less overwhelmed now. But I really need to start. Like, tomorrow. Ten more days in this glorious paradise... then it's 30 degrees or below until March. I like winter. But winter does not promote motivation. At. All. It promotes hot cocoa and snuggles. But Dan will be living in the city! So I will get some of those snuggles every now and then.

Though the beautiful weather here has been awesome, I can't help but be concerned about why it's been so warm everywhere. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase 'global warming' in the past two weeks. I get it. But I'm just really thinking about the need for us to get our asses in gear. To do something, instead of just talk about it. Ever since becoming a vegetarian, it's been on my mind a lot.

My grades for this semester were good. GPA improves every semester... that's all I can ask for! I was very pleased. I'm not one to stress about grades. If you're shooting for a prestigious grad school, sure. But honestly, the difference between an A- and an A are, in my book, not even worth mentioning. It's just extra stress and also? sounds really whiny.

I had blood orange tea tonight... I love cozy tea rooms/ cafés where you can just hang out and drink out of your big mug for hours on end. Nights like this should happen always.

I am SO EXCITED that I can eat real food again. The RESET was fantastic and I feel wonderful. Lighter, more energy, slimmer, less cravings. BUT how I appreciate whole food now! Some black beans and cheese will probably happen tomorrow.

Disneyland photo recap will happen tomorrow. Check out my vlogs of the day here and here.

*Also this is FRIDAY. Ugh, clearly I need to start posting before midnight. Or... the day could end at 1am? Let's just push it back. I like it.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Yummiest Pineapple on Earth

Only real food I've eaten here. So. Good.

I Promise It's Still Wednesday {Day 4}

The amount of sleep I'm getting tonight is minimal. Mostly because I have to accomplish all of those "daily" things I'm doing (currently uploading a vlog), but also because I was quite enjoying watching TV with my fam by the fire. Toddlers and Tiaras, Restaurant: Impossible, Modern Family and Suburgatory. Come onnn. Doesn't get better. Though watching T&T is more like a horror film for me. Sometimes I just can't even believe it.

I want to work on being completely real in my blogs. Most of the time I am, but sometimes I feel myself writing about how I wanted to feel as how I actually felt... when that's simply not true. This happens with my journaling, too. It's okay to not be completely satisfied, and it doesn't matter who sees it (ok maybe it does). But I at least need to KNOW for sure how I'm feeling, even if I don't broadcast it to the WWW. A little work on the heart, maybe.

It's technically Thursday now but I'm writing this before I sleep so I'm still on track for daily blogging don't freak out. Might be posting from the Happiest Place on Earth via phone tomorrow!

The early wake-up calls are always worth it (unless I'm actually IN the 5am at the moment...not so happy then)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Every Day for a Year

What follows is a list of things I want to do every day for the year of 2012—which is not to say I'm going back on my somewhat-holier-than-thou-I-appreciate-the-moment-as-is-and-feel-no-pressure-to-resolve-to-do-anything approach, BUT. I've been doing these things anyway for the past week and I've wanted to do them for a long time but have never sucked it up and committed. SO:

Blog-- It doesn't have to be long, or good. Maybe a photo recap, a quick thought, a post on what school is like at the moment... it just has to be published. (kind of laughing at myself here, in my cushy, lazy life that is winter break, but I think I can do it)

Vlog--What will be hard about this is editing/uploading to YT. That might not happen every day. But I WILL turn on the camera every day. (I'm too in love with it not to)

Journal-- Just a quick 5 minute musing on what I felt, thought about, and did that day.

365 project-- One picture a day. Just one.

Meditate--This one I'm most unsure of. But all it will take is an alarm set 15 minutes earlier... and once I start doing it as a routine, what makes me avoid it will go away. (Which is not being able to quiet my mind.)

There are a ton of things I could add to this list, but I think 5 is plenty. I've never attempted to do anything like this, and I think it will be a good challenge for me. The blog world is officially holding me accountable.


Monday, January 2, 2012

Operation: Watch Movies That I Probably Should Have Seen Already

My lovely friend Charmaine is a movie buff. She is also an overachiever, for when I asked her for some movies I should see, she sent me this extensive, categorized list. Who doesn't love a categorized list? So my goal is to have all of these watched by the end of this year. I've crossed out those I've already seen and will continue to do so, along with the date watched! Thanks, Char xoxo

Charmaine’s List of Favorites and Must See Movies
(In no order of importance plus I’m sure I missed a few titles)

Old Musicals (they don’t make them like they used to)
  • Singing in the Rain 
  • Oklahoma
  • Carousel
  • The King and I
  • My Fair Lady
  • Mary Poppins
  • Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
  • Brigadoon
  • The Sound of Music
  • West Side Story
  • The Pajama Game
  • Sweet Charity 
  • Guys and Dolls
  • Daddy Longlegs 
  • Funny Face
  • Funny Girl 
  • An American in Paris
  • Fiddler on the Roof
  • The Wizard of Oz 
  • Bye Bye Birdie
  • Viva Las Vegas 
  • Damn Yankees
More Contemporary Musicals
  • Moulin Rouge!
  • Grease
  • Little Shop of Horrors 
  • Hairspray
  • The Phantom of the Opera
  • Sweeney Todd (Tim Burton)
  • Rent (of course)  
  • Chicago
  • Hair 
  • Nine 
  • Godspell
  • Dreamgirls
  • Fame 
  • Cinderella 
Shout out to all the Disney Classics plus Enchanted

My Favorite Old Movie Actors

Cary Grant
  • Notorious
  • North by Northwest
  • To Catch a Thief
  • Charade
  • An Affair to Remember (and then immediately watch Sleepless in Seattle afterwards)
  • Houseboat
Audrey Hepburn
  • Roman Holiday
  • Sabrina
  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s
  • Charade
  • My Fair Lady (Musical)
Katharine Hepburn
  • The Philadelphia Story
  • Bringing up Baby
  • Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Other Old Movies
  • Casablanca
  • Bedknobs and Broomsticks
  • Auntie Mame
  • Sunday in New York
  • Gidget
  • When a Man Answers
  • Doris Day films (like Lover Come Back or Send Me No Flowers)
  • On the Waterfront
  • Goodbye Girl
  • Barefoot in the Park
  • The Man Who Knew Too Much
  • To Kill a Mockingbird
  • Gone with the Wind
Moving into the 70s and 80s
  • Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (everything John Hughes)
  • Dirty Dancing
  • Flashdance
  • Sixteen Candles (plus Pretty in Pink)
  • Breakfast Club
  • The Princess Bride
  • Risky Business
  • Sandlot
  • Say Anything…
The 90s
  • Sister Act 
  • Clueless
  • Sleepless in Seattle (the young Meg Ryan)
  • Remember the Titans
  • Romeo+Juliet (the very young Leonardo di Caprio) 
More Contemporary Films (with an emphasis on romance and comedy)
  • Bridesmaids
  • Easy A
  • Crazy, Stupid, Love
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary
  • She’s the Man
  • Bend it Like Beckham
  • Mean Girls
  • The Devil Wears Prada
  • Slumdog Millionaire 
  • Shakespeare in Love *want to see again
  • Pride and Prejudice *want to see again
  • Shout out to Tim Burton
  • Ever After (Drew Barrymore)
  • The King’s Speech
  • The Harry Potter Series -- need to watch last one
Children’s Films
  • Tangled
  • Everything Pixar (from Toy Story to Monsters Inc.)
  • Disney (Peter Pan, Beauty and the Beast, The Goofy Movie…)
  • Miyazaki Films (Japanese animation with spectacular storylines that are unlike anything in the US)
    • Spirited Away
    • My Neighbor Totoro
    • Princess Mononoke (definitely not a kid’s movie)
    • Kiki’s Delivery Service, THEY’RE ALL GREAT 
Movies in Theaters
  • My Week With Marilyn
  • Hugo (for artistry if not storyline)
  • The Actor (a silent film)
  • The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I Think It's Okay. {Happy New Year}

2012 will be a year of releasing stress and pressure, of allowing myself to just be, of not comparing my success to that of anyone else.

I wanted to write a blog post before the end of the year, but I didn't get around to it. About what? I don't know, the norm. The cliché. Reflection, resolutions, gratefulness, holiday recaps. I was stressing about this even last night, until I was in my room with Megan and Aubrey, Dan with his arm around me... and I just stopped. I stopped stressing about the blog post, I stopped stressing about the wildly huge expectation that is New Year's Eve. I just looked around me and was happy. I felt every feeling, thought every thought, and embraced what the night was.

It was dancing strangely to 2010 hits, eating lots of finger foods and constantly going back for more bean dip. It was laughing with my friends and finding solace away from the 50 high schoolers that walked the halls. It was vlogging and it was passing out from 11:15 to 11:45. It was a champagne toast and a midnight kiss with a few people I love and a lot of 15 year-olds I didn't know. It wasn't particularly exciting and I was too tired for my liking, and time slipped away as it is wont to do. But it was good. The most truthful, the most loving, the most real, the most full.

I didn't make any resolutions or make any written note of how I feel about 2011 and how I want to feel about 2012. I didn't do an immense amount of reflecting or make the last week of the year incredibly interesting. I decided—last night at 9:30—to forget about holding myself accountable for responsibilities that don't exist, and just embrace what the moment is. Because how it is... is how it should be.

I didn't do everything I thought about doing, or the things I hadn't thought about but knew I could do and maybe should do. But from this point forward, I am eradicating unnecessary expectations and just looking around me for inspiration and satisfaction and love. And I think that's okay.

A very happy new year it is.