Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What is This Feeling?

Summer has officially begun. ...And it's raining. I guess the weather in Poughkeepsie is just as bipolar as in San Diego?

But of course, not much can put a damper on my mood. After all of the stress and procrastination the last two weeks—oh wait, the last year—have produced, I am SO HAPPY to be done. At the same time, my roommates are now both gone and it is incredibly strange, empty, and depressing. I remember moving in so vividly... it in no way feels like almost 9 months ago.

I don't want to be 25% done with my college career. Life is propelling me forward and I don't know if I'm ready for that. As much as I am excited to go home, spend time with my family and have no responsibilities, I love this place. And the idea that one year is behind me and there are only 3 left is sad. Also, three months without Vassar is just weird, considering I've spent the better part of 9 months here. This is my life now, and I'm worried I'm going to feel kind of out of place this summer. Just itching to go back. Over spring break I felt uneasy 24/7. Being away from a life that was becoming more and more concrete, coming home to a life that was completely different from before. New house, new location. I coped mentally, but not physically.

That's the nature of life, though. Everything changes, life will always go on. And sometimes, we won't know how we really feel. But I think that's okay. That's part of the fun of it. Figuring ourselves out.

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