Sunday, January 1, 2012

I Think It's Okay. {Happy New Year}

2012 will be a year of releasing stress and pressure, of allowing myself to just be, of not comparing my success to that of anyone else.

I wanted to write a blog post before the end of the year, but I didn't get around to it. About what? I don't know, the norm. The cliché. Reflection, resolutions, gratefulness, holiday recaps. I was stressing about this even last night, until I was in my room with Megan and Aubrey, Dan with his arm around me... and I just stopped. I stopped stressing about the blog post, I stopped stressing about the wildly huge expectation that is New Year's Eve. I just looked around me and was happy. I felt every feeling, thought every thought, and embraced what the night was.

It was dancing strangely to 2010 hits, eating lots of finger foods and constantly going back for more bean dip. It was laughing with my friends and finding solace away from the 50 high schoolers that walked the halls. It was vlogging and it was passing out from 11:15 to 11:45. It was a champagne toast and a midnight kiss with a few people I love and a lot of 15 year-olds I didn't know. It wasn't particularly exciting and I was too tired for my liking, and time slipped away as it is wont to do. But it was good. The most truthful, the most loving, the most real, the most full.

I didn't make any resolutions or make any written note of how I feel about 2011 and how I want to feel about 2012. I didn't do an immense amount of reflecting or make the last week of the year incredibly interesting. I decided—last night at 9:30—to forget about holding myself accountable for responsibilities that don't exist, and just embrace what the moment is. Because how it is... is how it should be.

I didn't do everything I thought about doing, or the things I hadn't thought about but knew I could do and maybe should do. But from this point forward, I am eradicating unnecessary expectations and just looking around me for inspiration and satisfaction and love. And I think that's okay.

A very happy new year it is. 

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