Thursday, January 26, 2012

Elaboration on Yesterday's Post

So, yes. I realized I no longer hate improv. Nor do I avoid participating at all costs for fear of embarrassment.

I didn't notice this about myself. I still went around telling people improv wasn't my thing, I hope we don't do improv for these auditions, I'm so nervous for this class as I've heard there will be improv. Because in high school, I did hate it. I never volunteered for sides, I struggled with the question game, found ways to get out of the room for as much of the freakin' gibberish game as possible without looking suspicious. I love acting, I love being silly... but I didn't think I was funny. And I was afraid people would judge me for not being funny. I hated it because in my eyes, I sucked at improv.

And so I went on believing that about myself, not questioning it, thinking it would always be that way. I grew and changed and became new in many ways, but I failed to realize that there would be a change in my beliefs as well, in my attitude.

That's where we run into problems.

Being stuck.

Stuck with a certain preconceived notion about something, someone, or, most importantly, ourselves. I can think I am SO in touch with myself, that I understand my inner being completely... but one little reality-check, and it's clear. I am not. I had not taken the time to reassess my preferences, my values, my beliefs. I thought that if something about me changed I would just know. It would be obvious and the modification would appear naturally in my every day life.

I think we get comfortable with ourselves. And then we get ignorant. And we aren't aware anymore of how we are movingchanginggrowing all the time. And what that means for us and what we love and hate to do.

Will we realize if our passion changes? Or will we keep pursuing that dream we had for years and years, not listening to our heart tell us we don't want it anymore.

I've become less inhibited, a little funnier, more experienced in all things life since high school. And I knew those things, but never thought about them in context of other things I thought to be true about myself. But now -- wow! The world is wider and brighter.

So I don't hate improv anymore. I might even like it a little.

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